To the Parents of Traditional Students~ Dedicated to My Peer Group

University of Oxford Library

And, before my dreaming eyes
Still the learned volumes lay,
And I could not close their leaves,
And I could not turn away.       ~ Anne Bronte

 

     Your kids are amazing.  Well, there are a couple who are probably drinking a little too much, but I’m sure they are not any of your kids—and it is probably a passing phase.  Oh, and not the ones in my actual peer group!!  (Sorry guys!)  I want you to know this is hard work, what your college students do every day.   If you were here you may be worried, so it is a good thing you are not.   Instead, I am here worrying about a few of them for you.

     Your students have stressors, much financial, but others too.  Working and going to school seem to be the norm for many of them.  If there are any true traditional students, the ones who just come to school, attend classes all day, and return to their dorm room or apartment to study for the night with no concerns about working or juggling other issues, I have not met any of them yet (or they just don’t talk about it). 

Me in an Oxford Doorway

     Instead, what I see are students who are struggling to stay awake in class, not because they have been out partying, but because they work late.  There was the student in the hall trying to work out her bills on the cell phone, on a short break from class.  There are the students who are trying to make it to class from across campus, who haven’t eaten anything since the morning, and have only time for a soda if they are lucky, from the vending machine.  One very endearing girl from a class I had last semester figured out it was only 50¢ to buy a chunk of plain bread from the local sub shop, and she wasn’t just trying to be frugal—she really only had 50¢. 

     College work does not let up, even when you go ahead and try to pretend you can get away with being a normal person, and try to do regular non-school related things all weekend.  It just catches up to you.  Many instructors will not tolerate you choosing to ‘skip’ an assignment or two (a choice some of us have to make and weigh grade point versus breaking point)—they have figured out a way to make every assignment mandatory, by not accepting any if you miss one.  And yes, for those of you who like to say: “…why, back in my day, we had to really memorize this or that, you kids have it easy”, I am here to assure you they don’t (have it easy).  There is still plenty of memorizing, but in addition, there is so much more technology, new research, real life applications, and group work.

Oxford Library and Cathedral

     I know college is harder than it used to be.  I have shared my experiences with others my age that went to college back in the day (the day I should have been going).  They are surprised, and grateful they are not doing what I am trying to do now.  I think that a true learning community would be hard to establish anymore on any college campus.  In a way, almost all students are non-traditional.  When I visited Oxford, England on a college trip, we toured the University of Oxford  (pretty neat because some of the Harry Potter scenes were filmed there—okay I have not actually seen a Harry Potter film, but I imagine that would be neat for someone to know), and learned how students stay in halls with their instructors, and day and night, they live their studies all together.  Can you imagine?  You would have to essentially leave family, homes, work and loves behind.  To be immersed in learning like that—wow.  I can’t even imagine!  To me, that would be sheer luxury; I have a feeling it would be to any other WMU student I attend college with!

     To my current English peer group, I admire what you are doing!  How unique you are, how hard you work, and what futures you have to look forward to!  As W.H. Auden (who lived in Oxford at one time) said:

“You owe it to us all to get on with what you’re good at.”

PS: I’m hoping you guys will help this non-traditional student finish her website this week, since I dedicated this post to you! 

Oxford Courtyard

 

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“Because the story of our life becomes our life…” a.k.a. The Cost of Returning to College

    

Next I pull the dream off
and slam into the cement wall
of the clumsy calendar
I live in,
my life,
and its hauled up
notebooks.         ~ Anne Sexton

 

     When I graduate, I will be the first (at least that I know of besides a couple of cousins) from both my father and mother’s side to hold a bachelor’s degree.  My maternal grandfather was the closest to a complete education, though his training was not in a college, but at the Henry Ford Trade School, where he studied to be an engineer before he served in the Navy during World War II.  He continued on as an engineer at Caterpillar in Illinois until he retired and moved to Florida.  On my paternal side, my grandfather worked for Detroit Edison, actually shoveling coal, on the St. Clair River.  After my own father served in the Navy, he went into sales, attending trainings and the occasional community college class, but he never completed a degree.  My mother attended ‘beauty school’ as it was called back in the day, which she did complete.  Growing up, college was never discussed.  My parents were of the mind that we girls (I have a sister) would pretty much graduate from high school, get married, and move on as they had done.  So, that is what we both did, in our own way of course.   My sister completed an associate’s degree, and then settled into her married life.

     There are times I still resent the choices available to us in the late 70’s and early 80’s, and my parent’s lack of preparing us for the future we were to face.  To be fair, life was different then, jobs were available that required less education, and still paid pretty well (at least for men anyway).  The decision to return to college caused tension in my personal life, and friendships also suffered.  My children, even though they were old enough to be on their own and had their own schooling to attend to, struggled as the time I spent with family became less and less.  Though as a society we appreciate more than ever the need for education, a decision to return to school as an adult can be a costly one, one that affects more than just the pocketbook.  So, while other may tediously keep track of the total cost of returning to college in dollars, I am painfully aware of the cost to my former personal and family life.

     Dr. Ruby Payne, in “Bridges Out of Poverty” says that to make a decision to move out of poverty, you have to leave behind (in some fashion) your former life, such as loved ones, family, etc.  I have just greatly paraphrased this, because I do not have her book in front of me, but that is the general gist of this belief.  Now, I wasn’t exactly living in poverty, but if I were to try to live on my own income without schooling, then I would have been right at the line (and certainly in poverty for many years leading up to now).  This is what I am striving to leave behind.  It means leaving behind an old life, and unfortunately a few friends.

     Being a full time non-traditional student, and working full time besides, leaves barely any time to foster friendships beyond your immediate family cell.  One of my close friends at the time was very put off with my lack of communication and time to spend with her, and she was actually mad about my decisions to immerse myself in this goal.  I think that was the hardest part of heading off to university life.  It was also the moment I realized my life was completely changing, and I would not ever be the same again, nor would I be returning to anything resembling life before school.  I was hurt initially; I expected understanding and support.  Now, while there is admittedly some sad moments, I have moved on, and I love the idea of the ever changing possibilities this new life after school will have to offer.

     I like thinking of how every time you read something new, you are changed forever.  This means, almost every day for the past three years in full time college, I have changed (of course, before that too, but you get the point).  The same scenery off the back deck that I looked at all those years ago is still there, but what I actually see has a richness of depth and detail that only comes from this experience of education.  So, the cost of this degree and those beyond, high though it is, well… it’s…priceless.  And my next dream is to watch my children receive their own bachelor’s degree.

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